Beyond Winning and Losing

From a tennis match in 1997

I saw this video doing rounds online, and I really loved it. It is from a tennis match in 1997 between Mark Philippoussis and Goran Ivanisevic.

Sometimes we start taking the games we are involved in very seriously, feeling compulsed to win and compete all the time. :) 

But if we can pause, we can see that the purpose of life is not for “me” to win (which is rooted in a consciousness of separation), but to learn that we are all in this together. What happens to one, affects all. If we don’t learn that, we keep playing zero-sum games all of our life. Marshall Rosenberg founder of non-violent communication says it beautifully "We were meant to play the game of 'let's make life beautiful', but instead we are caught up playing the game 'who is right'."  

In his phenomenal book Finite and Infinite Games, James P Carse writes "A finite game is played for the purpose of winning, an infinite game for the purpose of continuing the play."

In this game, earlier it was so clear who was the winner and a loser. After that "small stroke of genius", in a span of 2 minutes, suddenly I am not seeing any losers.

Ivanisevic is in a larger frame of mind, where his own loss hasn’t taken over him. It reminds me that even in times of great pain, or suffering or loss, if we hold our own egos lightly, there is not only a capacity for great joy, but at the same time, a capacity to spread joy to others.

In terms of Philippoussis, I would say that all of us in our successful moments have come to see, how success can often disconnect us from others. It is not that success per se is bad, but all kind of complexes it can create in our minds is very toxic. So holding your success gently, with kindness, is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. In a remarkably thoughtful book, “Paradox of Success”, John O Neil writes “Leaders in all fields suffer from the paradoxes of success: with heart-breaking frequency they feel that the costs of their victories outweigh the rewards. Their power often leads to arrogance, isolation and stagnation.” It was remarkable to see how Philippoussis intelligence of heart took over, and he so playfully played with the ball girl.

And in terms of the ball-girl, whose name is Amy Kavanagh, I was so happy for what happened with her. Unfortunately, we live in a power-based society - where not only 20% (pareto-rule), but 8 men own more wealth than bottom 3.5 billion. When I was in school, for first many years, I felt that my existence didn’t matter. A school was convened for the podium finishers. If you are not in top 3 (or rather top 10 in my school), you are just an extra. All our systems today, education, business, media, NGOs — still operate from same mindset of domination. But, as there is a quote, “an artist is not a special kind of person, every person is a special kind of artist”. I was so glad that the spotlight was on Amy, that she gets to shine. :) A boss rises by pushing others down, but a true leader rises in lifting others up. We all are made of same atoms. The same life flows through all. If we can connect to the beauty in ourselves, we will see that the same beauty flows through each life. World doesn’t need heroes sitting with their powerpoints, every human can be agent of illumination. Prof. Anil Gupta, from IIMA and IITB has concretised that insight with his remarkable work over decades and shown it to the world. He says “minds at the margin are not marginal minds”. As this Harvard Prof. says, it is only our unintentional unconsciousness hubris, which makes us think we are more intelligent and we deserve the centre stage.

And the whole audience was smiling and so moved. They all loved it. I am sure they will remember this game much more. Add kindness to anything, it makes it so much more special (and humane by the way!).

No one lost. Everyone won! 

So let's expand our games. Let’s play a more infinite game. The book concludes with these lines "Infinite players are not serious actors in any one particular story, but the joyful poets of a story that continue to originate what they cannot finish."

So I hope we don’t get too caught up in stories our mind tells us, or the culture tells us, and help each other in being that “joyful poet” of life.

P.S. Another clip of Shami hugging Pujara after dismissing him in County game in 2021. :)